Greetings, True Believers! It's hard to believe that 2010 is here. We've seen trends come, we've seen trends go, and we've seen things we desperately wish we could unsee (I'm looking at you, Black Eyed Peas' "The Time"). Since the year is here, I would like to make 10 predictions for 2011. See if you can tell the jokes from the serious ones!
1) In an attempt to continue to appear ironic, hipsters will spearhead a nü-metal revival. They will look very silly while doing so.
2) Mastadon will find a new way to blow people's minds. They did the tours with the video screens playing trippy visuals and videos whilst playing the entirety of their Crack the Skye album, they did the soundtrack for the Jonah Hex movie, AND toured with Alice in Chains. You know that Troy Sanders and Co. are back in Georgia cooking up new surprises for 2011.
3) Motorhead will release another album. They tend to do that every two years or so.
4) In an historic first, the next sub-genre to start with "New Wave Of..." will not be a metal one. I suspect that it will likely be something to the effect of "New Wave of American Post Hardcore." If this is the case, I will then copyright the term, and it's acronym "NWOAPH."
5) Ke$ha and Lady Gaga, desperate to attract further attention, will release a sex tape together. However, it will be an audio tape of the two having phone sex, and it will be very bad.
6) Zakk Wylde, he of Black Label Society fame, will proclaim his love of cunnilingus in at least 10 interviews.
7) The next winner of American Idol will still never live up to Kelly Clarkson.
8) Duran Duran will have 3 singles off of their latest album make the radio charts, and will still sound better than 99% of anything out there.
9) NOFX will be on the Warped Tour again, and Fat Mike will attempt to insult another Christian band onstage. This will occur repeatedly until they actually come and try to talk to him. Then he will hide in his tourbus.
10) The next big metal subgenre: Dubstepcore.
And since I stand by my predictions, I will revisit them in 6 and 12 months time to see what, if any actually came true! Keep reading, True Believers, because I have a feeling there will be a lot more to Thrash, and a lot more to Burn, in 2011!
- Je Pe -