Outsider Analysis of the 2010 BET Awards

Last night, Black Entertainment Television staged the 1723rd awards show of the year (OK, maybe not, but it sure seems like it!), and put on quite a show for their target audience. Artists were given tribute, some deservingly, some not. There were some surprises as well, in terms of who won awards. So, without further ado, let's take a look at the BET Awards.

Musically, the only a few of the usual suspects took home awards. Alicia Keys won "Best Female R&B" and split "Best Collaboration" with Jay-Z; and Beyonce' won "Video of the Year" for her wierd-for-the-sake-of-wierd team up with Lady Gaga. But, some pleasant surprises were there, like Niki Minaj beating out the likes of Lil Kim and Justin Beiber (Seriously?  That kid's everywhere.  Stop the overexposure!) to take home the "The Best Female Hip-Hop" and "Best New Artist" awards. Then there was Young Money beating out the Black Eyed Peas to take home Best Group. Definately some unexpected results there!

The acting and sports awards were a little less shocking, with both Serena Williams and LeBron James winning "Sportswoman of the Year" and "Sportsman of the Year," respectively. Precious: Based on the Novel "Push" by Sapphire took home two awards, "Best Movie" and "Best Actress" for Mo'Nique. Idris Elba took home "Best Actor," while youngster Keke Palmer walked away with the "YoungStars Award."

Tribute performances were a big thing at this year's BET Awards. Trey Songz and Alicia Keys paid tribute to Prince, and in what I believe is a continuing error in judgment on the whole of the urban music community, Chris Brown was chosen to perform a medly of Michael Jackson songs. I simply can not understand how people continue to support Chris Brown after it was confirmed that he assaulted a woman, because quite frankly, he's just another abuser, not Nelson Mandela.  I must digress though, as I would be remiss if I didn't mention that Kanye West and Monica both performed as well.

So, there you have it, this year's BET Awards held some minor surprises, but as a whole were rather uneventful.  No major controversies, no beefin', nothing disruptive at all.  Some fans may argue over the winners, but that's a  minor quibble.  If you wanted dirt, you'll have to wait for next year!

-  Jé-Pé  -

Lady Gaga Vs. The World

New York, New York, it's a Hell of a town.  Where else could a story like this occur?  On June 10th, at a baseball game between the New York Mets and the visiting New York Yankees, the scantily-clad Lady Gaga (when isn't she?) was observed making obscene gestures towards photographers from her seat behind home plate, after being booed for asking staff to be allowed to move.  The staff of the Mets decided that for order to be kept, Ms. Gaga should be allowed to mov to a private luxury box.  They then deposited the avid Yankees fans in a box reserved and paid for by somebody else.  That somebody else was Mets fan and season ticket-holder Jerry Seinfeld, and he wasn't exactly thrilled that she was there.  When asked about the popster's behaviour on a talk radio show 12 days later, Mr. Seinfeld remarked, "This woman is a jerk, I hate her."  Considering the infrequency with which Jerry disparages people in the media, you can see this was pretty serious in his eyes.  You can understand his reasoning here, as he followed up with the question, "You give people the finger and you get upgraded? Is that the world we're living in now?"

Jerry Seinfeld is not the worst enemy that Lady Gaga has made this month, though.  Reportedly, she angered Hal Steinbrenner, co-chairman of the New York Yankees, by entering the clubhouse after June 18th loss to the New York Mets.  After talking her way past security, she showed up in the clubhouse, wearing a Yankees jersey and underwear, and proceeded to guzzle Jameson whiskey whilst talking with Alex Rodriguez, among other players.  It has also been reported that a good chunk of her time there was spent groping her own breasts.  Word of a ban came down shortly afterwards, but was softened by Yankees GM, Brian Cashman, who stated that, "Celebrities aren't banned. If Michael Jordan showed up here he would have access [to the clubhouse], but not after a loss," and insisted that this was merely a case of "wrong place, wrong time."

This is behaviour that goes beyond mere eccentricity. It takes a fairly extreme sense of entitlement to think you can get whatever you want, and that's the attitude that Lady Gaga puts off. I would love to hear a preliminary psycho-analysis of the erstwhile Stefani Germanota, because I'm sure the results would be quite interesting.  In the mean time, let's keep her away from sports.  I'll leave the jokes to you, dear readers.

-  Jé-Pé  -

Analyzing the MMVAs From an OutsiderPerspective

Another June has passed, and MuchMusic held it's anual Video Awards show. I really have to congratulate them for continually being able to put this show on, as it obviously appears quite expensive in these challenging economic times. They are also able to keep the viewers of previous years, and that can be quite a feat as well nowadays. Still, analaysis of the event rarely comes from an outsider perspective, so here we go.

Award-wise, the only act I would have rooted for to win was the Gorillaz in the "Best International Video - Group" category. The rest of the awards are just the usual pop claptrap with radio rock in the "MuchLoud" category. I realize that I shouldn't hold out hope for 3 Inches of Blood or Kataklysm getting nominated for that, but not even the Cancer Bats? Seriously? For those interested, Billy Talent won, beating out acts like Nickleback and Die Mannequin.

Some of the hype I viewed for the MMVAs makes me question where we are as a society. Katy Perry as trailblazer?  Well, if you don't know anything about music history, then maybe, I guess. If I'm not mistaken, a folk artist released a song in the mid-90s called "I Kissed a Girl," and well, there's always the Indigo Girls, who we've known are lesbians for quite some time. But I guess faking being bisexual or lesbian on your first big hit must be trailblazing nowadays, right? I also don't understand the love for Justin Beiber, especially from older women.  I guess moms need jailbait too, but still... The kid's only 15, ladies, so this is getting to be as bad as people asking when the Olson Twins would be legal.

The performane line-up was one guaranteed to get the people going at this kind of event. Miley Cyrus, Katie Perry, Drake, Justin Bieber, Ke$ha, Hedley, Adam Lambert, and Down with Webster all performed for the live and at-home crowds. I actually hit up the website, watched a bit of the show-opening Miley Cyrus performance where she came out dressed up like she wanted to be Lady Gaga until, in what I can only surmise was my computer trying to protect me from something, the stream dropped.  I can live with that, as I saw all I needed to see. Billy Ray, I'm sorry, you did your best, but she still took Exit 69 into classless pop star exhibitionism. You're her dad, you still control her till she's 18, put a stop to this.

In the end, I'm not the market that MuchMusic wants to reach with this award show. I'm a 20-something male who generally avoids radio, goes to dive bars to see shows, and has a fairly keen bullshit detector. I don't need birth control pills, body spray, Smirnov, or Bud Light hawked to me, nor do I go to the clubs to get "a little bit tiiiiiiiipsy." This is for the mainstream, pure and simple, and in that respect, it catered to its audience perfectly. My perspective on it, most certainly, is negative, but nonetheless, MuchMusic has it's formula worked out for these events, and for that I give them kudos.


Godspeed and Party On,
Jé-Pé

How to Stage a Proper Metal Night

A couple of weeks ago, the bartender at my usual pub suggested I check out the "metal night" at another bar he works at called Metropole. I was told they had a good DJ, good drink specials, the whole nine yards. He hadn't steered me wrong on liquor-related issues before, so I figured I'd take his suggestion and check it out. So, on the appropriate night, a Thursday, I go down with part of the usual after-work Booze Crew to check it out...

What did I find? Well, hipsters for one. They're everywhere in downtown Vancouver, so I wasn't entirely surprised. Second, I saw two guys playing DJ, one of whom had an Iron Maiden backpatch on his denim vest, which gave me a bit of hope.  Then I saw the beer special, and that hope was lost: Pabst Blue Ribbon. So, I lowered my expectations, and chilled out for an hour and a half, had a couple of pints of better beer and a scotch on the rocks, waiting to hear some metal. I heard some poppier, Epitaph-style punk, then went up and requested some Dying Fetus (denied), endured some Fat Wreck-Chords-style poppier punk, went up and requested Iron Maiden (thankfully accepted), and then listened in horror as they switched to country. By the time I walked out the door, they were playing "The Gambler." That's right, Kenny f'n Rogers' own "The Gambler."  Epic fail here, True Believers.

How do you prevent such epic failures from happening? Well, it starts with the music.  If you must use a DJ, then find one who realizes that wearing a denim vest with an Iron Maiden backpatch entails certain responsibilities in the musical selection. I'm not saying it has to be nothing but über-brutal death metal, but a good selection of bands and styles ranging from Judas Priest to Brutal Truth must be had. You should also try to sequence a main playlist in advance, but still allow for requests. Songs need to flow in a proper order, and you'll need peaks and valleys in the brutality.

Secondly, the drink specials have to be appealing to metal fans. Contrary to popular belief, metalheads don't actually prefer PBR. We may drink it because it's cheap and we're poor, but we would gladly take almost anything (except Budweiser) over Pabst Blue Ribbon. Some Granville Island Breweries stuff is always a good choice, as is Guiness.  If you're going to do shots or highballs, don't sissy out and give us frilly drinks.  Scotch on the rocks, rye and coke, and bourbon shots are all good choices, or you can be really hardcore and have the drink special be Boilermakers. If you don't know what that is, go back to bartending school: It's a pint of beer with a shot of whiskey dropped into it, which in effect turbo-charges the beer.

It should be really easy to put on a good metal night, now that you know the tips. It's not hard to find people who can put together a good metal playlist, and the odds are good that they will work for much cheaper than your average hipster or scene-punk DJ.  Hell, I'll do it for $25 and free beer! We can be a loyal bunch if you treat us right and we like to drink, so really, we're a bar's best friends. Now, as a show of good faith to end of this little guide, if you're wanting to try starting up a metal night of you're own, drop me a line at justin@stormland.net and I'll be more than happy to provide you with a starting playlist.

Godspeed and Party On,
Jé-Pé

Je Pe's Thrash & Burn

Please Note this Thrash & Burn has adult content and may be offensive to some.

These are the views of Je Pe not Vandala Concepts.

All comments can be emailed to him directly EMAIL NOW

Greetings, true believers! I'm back, and I'm 13 pounds lighter! I've reassessed my weight cut due to a health scare, and I also competed recently! I'm working hard, and in way better shape than when I last wrote this column, so Thrash to me!

Some hearty thrashing as well to the boys in Three Inches of Blood, who will be filming their first DVD on May 21st and 22nd at the Rickshaw Theater in Vancouver, B.C.! I've been going to see this band since before they were first signed to Roadrunner Records, and it's been a pleasure watching their career grow. From appearing on the soundtrack for the first Tony Hawk Underground video game, to being used and mentioned by name in a recent Punisher comic book, they are always just on the edge of the mainstream consciousness. They are a band who has gotten where they are without government funding, like so many "indie darlings" and Polaris prize winners, and who quite frankly make some of the most enjoyable metal music you'll hear. So congratulations, Three Inches of Blood, on your first DVD!

Now to burn... A personality with Sun FM recently alluded to Brian Adams being voted one of Canada`s 50 most beautiful people, and made allegations of him lip-synching at the 2010 Olympic Opening Ceremonies. Now, let`s be fair here, everybody had to lip-synch at the Opening Ceremonies. I know this, I was there. If you`re going to criticize Brian Adams, there are far better reasons, like his misanthropic level of environmentalism, and his actually moving out of Canada and relocating to the UK. So yes, we can certainly attack Brian Adams, but let`s do it for valid reasons.

I also would like to take this opportunity to burn all the people behind the viral video of the elementary school girls performing the racy dance routine to Beyonce's "Single Ladies" video as part of a dance contest. The hyper-sexualization of today's youth is reprehensible, and I'm very disturbed by the fact that there are even parents defending this! This isn't a matter of context, as one of the girls' parents claimed on ABC's Good Morning America, but a matter of 7 and 8 year old girls bumping and grinding in outfits that you generally see on strippers. The kids do not realize that what they're doing is sexualized, and it's nice that they still have that innocence, but listening to parents trying to justify this as being where pop culture is at and that the costumes were designed for movement is a cop-out on their part. You can't contextualize this kind of thing, and these parents are epic failures. These parents are the same ones who's daughters will be targeted by predators like the ones discovered in Vancouver's Lord Tweedsmuir Secondary's senior class this past week, and they don't even realize they're putting targets on their kids' backs for every sick puppy in their city.

Well folks, take some time to think about that last burn what kind of children are we molding. It's just a symptom of a far larger problem that we need to examine. The rush towards sexuality and the resultant commodification of sex are ruining what's supposed to be an intimate and emotional act. Yes, it feels good, but sex is supposed to be a means of pleasure for two people who care about each other, not a selfish way of just getting yourself off or of getting what you want. In order for sex to be enjoyed as it was meant to be, you have to be mentally able to appreciate it, and that requires a level of emotional maturity that kids just don't have these days, and many don't understand the ramifications of sex.Our shallow culture values only gratification, and in that way, sex has become the means to an end, as opposed to the end itself. In an age that has children dressing for the champagne room and having rainbow parties, values and self worth are lost. When we begin to properly value sex again, then perhaps our approach to it can finally become healthy, because it's sure messed up now.

Godspeed and party on,

Jé-Pé

Possible Legal Action - Fake Facebook Account

A Nova Scotia family has taken legal action over a fake Facebook page they say defamed their daughter.

Someone created a fake account in the name of the 15-year-old girl in March, using a real photograph of her. The girl's father said the picture was likely taken from her true Facebook account.

The family alleges that what followed amounted to Facebook bullying, with defamatory comments posted to appear that they came from the girl.

The family hired Halifax lawyer Michele Awad, and she contacted Facebook's head office in California. It told her the computer IP address of the person who created the fake account was in Dartmouth, N.S.
Awad then contacted Eastlink, the internet provider, seeking the name of the person.

Eastlink told her she would need a court order to get the name, but that Eastlink would not oppose the application.On Wednesday, a Halifax court will decide if Eastlink must turn the name over to Awad.

Legal action possible

If the name is revealed to the family, it will have one year to take legal action against the creator of the fake account....... READ MORE

Keeping It Clean - Healthy Drinking

With the first installment of Keeping it Clean; get you mind out of the gutter, I thought we should start with a healthy way to drink. We all know its summer, outdoor concerts, beer gardens and the weather is hot and you gotta quench your thirst. Most of us don't know that some alcoholic drinks are better than others. Some weight us down, make us sluggish, some even sugar us up and then we hit a low. So here are some things to keep you up dancing all night at your best .

It's all about what you Put with it.

Vodka, Tequila, Rye it's all what you put with it. If you're concerned about your health, then AVOID POP. The amount of sugar consumed in just a few Rye/Rum and Cokes will not do a body good. Replace it with real fruit juices (not cocktails they are fake), such as orange, grapefruit, and tomato juice. Even club soda is better than pop! Hey, you could even make the glass healthy and dump your sangria in a cut fruit. Note: Red Bulls all night is not a good thing and is a whole nother topic! So to get a head star here is a link to Healthy Summer Drinks - http://www.eatingwell.com/recipes_menus/collections/summer_drinks

Wine and Coolers

Let's face it they taste so good for a reason. Commercial coolers are easy, they tend to contain a lot of calories, unhealthy sugars, and chemicals. Wine, like all alcohol, needs to be in moderation and remember 5 oz;s of wine equal to 12 oz's  beer.

They're Not All Equal

Being a beer fan this is a hard one for the summer for me. I use to drink the thicker beers but by the end of the night I was bloated and not so energetic. Trust me in my line of work you need your energy. I for one don;t drink beer as often though if I do I drink something light.  Now they even have low calorie beers such as Miller Genuine Draft "64", but some people find the taste to be weaker with this and other "light" beers due to the reduced alcohol content. If that doesn't do anything for you, try Central and South American beers like Sol or Brahma. If imports aren't your thing, Granville Island Breweries make an excellent honey lager that tastes great and isn't as heavy as other honey-infused beers. Just to see whats in your beer check out Beer Comparison - http://www.beer100.com/beercalories.htm

Moderation! And Water It Down

Dehydration is one of the most common reasons for trips to the ER, so its important to keep hydrated! Since alcohol dehydrates the body no matter what the form, the best drink is good ol' H20. Have a bottle water in between drinks and/or at the end of the night drink a few bottles of water. Not only it keeps you hydrated, you will make it all night long. The best part is that its a well-known fact that staying hydrated helps to prevent hangovers. This is important to remember, because the next morning when the sun is shining, you don't want to be in bed. Still, if you must indulge, always remember that moderation is best! For those who want to know whats in your drinks you can find Nutritional facts about Alcohol drinks such as carbs, sugar calories and more @ http://caloriecount.about.com/calories-alcoholic-drinks-ic1401

MCL